Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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