I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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