K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
