if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i think my cat just said my name.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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