Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just cropdusted the office
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
