The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
