really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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