1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
