Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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