U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
