remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
