Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
