My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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