My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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