He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
