She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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