"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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