i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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