just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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