does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
