Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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