I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
