she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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