i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
