Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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