It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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