I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
