my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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