I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
