I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
