Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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