Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
