If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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