My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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