Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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