no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
