They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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