y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
