I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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