i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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