Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
