I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The power of my boobs compel you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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