in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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