I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
