Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize