Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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