The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
