If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Non-Jews are for practice
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
