I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize