Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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