My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
