She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
