My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
