You can't special order awesome
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
