some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
