I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
