I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
