Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
from now on my penis is your penis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
