Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
