I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
