Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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