Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
