I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
