in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
