My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
